Waking up before 4 am again with what it may feel like to experience some light radiation exposure. In 2023 the leader that I see responsible for these and behind these experiences that I am experiencing that are taking place was not quite that comfortable in his new position to be using them to to high of an extreme. In pathology what happens when you do start using them then to a certain degree just go all in and cannot stop. For one when you think that you cannot be held accountable, for two that despair and paranoia has driven you to go to a higher extreme to extinguish a threat and fear of exposure of the very practices that you are using. The recent findings on January 18 of a deputy gang existing within the Lakewood station may give reasons for the heightened fear of his true nature being exposed, and also that this substation of the LA County Sheriff Dept. was very close to the last city that he commanded. The instances of smearing my name (i.e., post- hoc rationalizing) and the instances of food/drink assaults (i.e., underground/outlawed practices) that I experienced again yesterday (i.e., the reason why I am up at 4:00 am writing this) have escalated at a very high degree (daily) since the beginning of the year. I am sure there are big payouts for these practices especially when the target person like me that has been singled out is done away with. I am feeling it and this is what is taking place. Today at work it is sinking in and the thought of it all is difficult to believe, though my experiencing betrayal trauma from this when I realized in 2020 from where and who is responsible for these experiences (i.e., physical, emotional abuse) that I am experiencing still today. I dug deep to psychoeducate myself of where someone is coming from that partakes in directs such practices and abuses towards others in a way that it is not difficult for me to comprehend the bigger picture.
Connecting the dots of the timelines through a large span of the big picture over many years intuitively was a necessary components of the functional state of positive mental health development of my mind (i.e., one of the many things this individual is incapable of) that has not only help me endure and stay grounded through this but also learn ang grow through it as well. It is even more difficult coming from being an insider (growing up as a family member) position in this experience because I look up with high regard for these people my whole life in a way that in being genuine and authentic in character and grounded in reality would be representative of any person rather than even when you hold a high position to be exploitative, manipulative and corrupt. The degree of this for absolute power over others that the personality is going to unfold through the job. This guy likes to kick ass through a very angry, antagonistic, deluded, aggravated lens. To the degree of unconsciously seeking pleasure in causing others pain, and will not loses a second's sleep, instead in this state of pathology he will actually sleep better if he took out someone that poses such threat (i.e., delusional actually fear comes from own behavioral choices) to him. The actual deluded state of saying something is wrong but not seeing that it is wrong and being unable to not partake in the actually problematic behavior yourself is the total disconnect that the most dangerous person experiences. Cannot put the brakes on the behavior though you preach that it is wrong you condone and partake in the behavior yourself.
There would be no way to function effectively with dissociative disorder and when living with a split personality a deluded state and a lack of reality is another part of the pathology. I am experiencing all degrees of it for a long time now. This the person has been in a leadership position since 2007, and this is a long time for group ideologies to become polarized and adverse behaviors to become more extreme. When McDonnell joined LBPD in 2010, there was a reality check. However, after his departure in 2014, Luna's rise to chief saw power and ego slowly become more extreme, a trend that has intensified even further in 2023. Who says that personality and power has nothing to do with it. I am stuck in the middle I have a conscience; these practices I wrote just recently are genocidal in nature and are geared to wipe someone out in the outgroup with cancer. The problem is extreme leadership is ineffective in many ways that harm the integrity of individuals, while even running the organization and everything connected to it into the ground as well.
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